Organic Shitake and Spinach Salad
by Poetheather1
Summary: Sam scores some mushrooms at a photo shoot. Kurt puts them in the salad. Ridiculousness ensues with Santana filming. Some drug humor. Klaine.


Organic Shitake and Spinach Salad

A gift to Axe, Knitty, Doodle, my other favorite Klainers out there and of course, Poppy.

"Guys, I got this great gift from someone at the photo shoot today." Sam held up a bag with a number of somewhat shriveled looking mushrooms. "Organic Shitakes!"

Kurt nodded, already thinking about what those could go with. "You know I can make a Shitake and Spinach salad for dinner tonight. That would go with the Pasta Puttanesca."

"Sweet! Thanks Kurt."

Kurt prepared the rest of the meal and salad, slicing up the mushrooms carefully. All the while he was watching Blaine set the table for the weekly dinner with their friends. It was rather distracting watching his boyfriend move about but he did have food to finish.

Soon the group of friends was all about the table passing the food around, a large bowl of salad and noodles, with the sauce separate so it could be portioned carefully. Santana sighed as she looked into the salad bowl and rolled her eyes, "Really, you just had to put that salty cheese in the salad?"

"It's good. Just pick around it if you don't like it," replied Kurt somewhat shortly.

"I'll just have the pasta."

"That's fitting," muttered Sam a little too loud.

With a raised eyebrow, Santana looked at him and said, "Problem briefs boy?"

"It's just that when Kurt told me what we were having, I looked it up on Wikipedia. Did you know that Puttanesca means whore's pasta?"

Sam had to look away from the death glare he was receiving while the other's laughed.

The meal was fun, the wine was flowing and everyone caught up with each other's lives. This was something they had missed, just being with each other. Sam chuckled at something and looked to the right, saying, "Oh hey man… thanks for coming over."

Santana narrowed her eyes and looked to the side. There was nobody there. Who the hell was Sam talking to?

"Yeah… yeah… I know. But this is better than most picnic baskets, right?"

Kurt and Blaine were just staring at each other with nearly painful heart eyes, Blaine running his thumb over the back of Kurt's hand. This was a bit worse than usual which was not terribly surprising but the boys were usually not this obvious about what was going through their minds. The look practically screamed sex. Artie looked a bit spaced out, looking around the apartment slowly while Rachel was devouring her pasta. This was a bit concerning.

"Sam?"

Not looking over at her, Sam said, in a very familiar accent, "Hey BooBoo… no that's totally how you are. Tell him Naruto."

The chairs were pushed back with a bit of a screech as Kurt and Blaine got up, heading towards their little curtained area. Santana was looking at them all like they had all gone crazy. What the hell was going on? Rachel looked up and said, "This is the best tasting Whore I ever had."

What was odd was that the pitch of her voice dropped from her natural soprano toward Alto. This apparently startled Rachel who looked up from her plate and said in an ever deepening voice, "My voice! Come back voice."

Berry got up and started moving about the apartment, trying to catch something that wasn't there. Artie had his hands up like he was framing a film shot and murmuring about, "That's hauntingly beautiful. A woman's loss of voice as a metaphor for life. Yes… maybe I should make it black and white? Yeah, kind of go full Truffaut on that bitch."

Santana just stared, blinking a few times trying to process what was going on. She looked in the bowl and noticed the mushrooms, taking a closer look at them before she grinned and said, "Oh hell yeah."

Camera out she was determined to try and film everything. This was too good and Brit would never believe her without proof. Sam had moved to the couch where he was having a clearly deep conversation with someone or ones. "No really Naruto, Yogi makes an excellent point. Boxer briefs are far more comfortable. They cup your junk right. No Sailor Moon, I won't give you a demonstration."

'Gold… this is fucking gold,' thought Santana. 'They won't believe this without proof. The blackmail potential isn't bad either.'

Rachel was getting more frantic in her pursuit, arms flailing, leaping into the air as high as her tiny body could go, all while sounding like a terrible Harvey Fierstein impersonator. "No voice come back… how can I sing Evita without you?"

"Maybe the scene should be smoky, with a soft filter for those special lighting effects. Yeah… and a voice over… yes, someone squeaky. Call it Diva-ations. Yeah… that's deep," droned Artie, glassy eyed and turning ever so slightly to better follow Rachel.

Rolling her eyes, Santana could barely contain herself. Her friends had just gotten better, way better. How Sam had scored that many 'shrooms without knowing was beyond her but she had never seen anything this glorious. A sound from behind the curtains grabbed her attention, making her turn quickly away to see what she could see. Spotting nothing but curtain and knew she needed to get closer. Backing that way to catch more antics from the others, she peaked between the curtains to see what was what.

A shirtless Kurt and Blaine were running their hands down each other, moaning appreciatively at the sensations. Blaine ran his tongue up from Kurt's pants to circle the young man's belly button ending with a twirl and slight nip of the tiny man nipples of Hummel. She stopped the one video and started another, figuring that this one would be just as embarrassing as the other. And how often do your friend's provide free porn?

"Oh Kurt… so tasty…"

Moaning in pleasure, Kurt ground up into Blaine, shuddering in pleasure. Blaine slid up and started sucking on his neck, making his boyfriend lean his head back to provide more access. Taking a handful of butt, Kurt almost growled, "I want you."

"I'm yours." murmured Blaine, working his way back down that smooth and well-muscled chest.

Kurt's breathing changed as Blaine's tongue worked its way back down, little kisses peppered over his abs. They were both so into it the rest of the world didn't exist. Fumbling slightly with the belt and zipper, Blaine tried to undo Kurt's pants. It was certainly on the awkwardly cute side of things. Santana quirked an eyebrow at that; Blaine clearly need to get himself a taste of Hummel surprise.

After Blaine tugged the pants down and past Kurt's rather surprisingly bouncy hardness, he paused, cocking his head to the side like a confused puppy, pouting that little pout of his. Kurt kept thrusting upward, yearning for something, some touch, and then as nothing was happening he looked at Blaine is frustrated desire, almost accusingly chiding, "Blaine!"

Blaine had the big puppy dog eyes as he looked up from Kurt's nearly pulsing shaft, the pout even more pronounced, "Uh… sorry Kurt… it's just… just… has your penis always been able to sing?"

Santana hit the floor, trying to avoid dropping the phone as she was cackling in utter pleasure. This was the best dinner night ever.


End file.
